If you are struggling with loss of trust in your coalition or in other relationships, depending upon how much trust has been lost and how long it has been compromised, you can take steps to regain trust. As much as it would be nice to just do one “big” thing to regain trust, the little things over time make the biggest difference. In many situations, trust isn’t lost immediately but is lost in small things over time. One of the most challenging aspects of regaining trust is that you have to be even more intentional than you did to earn the trust initially.
I remember one of my early-career relationships that started out very positively and then became very difficult. Although we were still working together in the same coalition, we had low levels of trust in one other. While I didn’t have any great answers, one of my dear friends and colleagues challenged us to talk through our challenges, to confront the difficult situations that had been unspoken, to apologize and to try again. Initially, this was very difficult and uncomfortable, but over time we kept practicing and regained trust, a positive working relationship and a valuable friendship. While I know every situation is unique and some are more difficult than others, I invite you to join me this week as I highlight three things we can do to regain trust in our coalitions.
Sincerely apologize.
One of the most powerful ways to regain trust in any relationship is to demonstrate humility and sincerely apologize for the specific ways we have damaged trust and the relationship. Although this can be really challenging and takes incredible vulnerability (thank you for the reminder, Brené Brown), relationships can be restored through a willingness to say “I’m sorry for….[something specific that I did to damage the trust]….” When working with a coalition, this may involve an individual apology or it may need to be a group-focused apology (e.g. one organization taking credit for the group’s work).
Do things differently.
Once we have sincerely apologized, the next step is to demonstrate that we will do things differently. Consider what happened that caused a trust violation and do something differently the next time as a commitment to regaining trust. Be willing to ask the person you are regaining trust with how you could do things differently next time. Seeking first to understand is once again an important principle that can be applied in regaining trust. These will often be the same things you do to build trust (showing genuine interest, clarifying expectations, keeping commitments).
Keep practicing.
After apologizing and doing things differently, we are on the path of regaining trust. When we have already built a lot of trust in the relationship and there was a minor trust breach, regaining the trust may happen fairly quickly. However, in many situations, we have to keep demonstrating trust over time to regain the trust. We also need to pay attention to what is important to those with whom we would like to regain trust. If we are practicing trust-building behaviors that are not seen as trust-building behaviors, we will struggle with actually regaining the trust. Alternatively, when we really focus on understanding the other person, we can practice doing the things that are received as trust-building activities.
If you would like another tool to support you in this work of regaining trust, check out the BRAVING Inventory found in Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead (pages 224-238). This can be used to both build trust and to regain trust.
So, what about you? Which of the actions will you take to regain trust with someone this week?
If you would like more support for your coalition in building trust and addressing other challenges you may be facing, check out my free worksheet, 10 Partnership Pitfalls for practical actions you can take right away!
Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash
